This is my recap of the year 2007, or, as I like to call it "The Year You Loved to Hate and Sometimes Hated So Deeply You Felt Nothing."
I'm choosing to recap you abstractly, 2007. Using the poetry of youtube to highlight your various tones and shapes and affects.
Like, remember how in many ways you were this:
?
2007: the year that slowly, unobtrusively moved either upward or downward and featured people saying words.
But 2007 wasn't all an abstraction of Meredith Viera and John Mayer talking in an elevator. It was a lot of other things. Remember how, in many ways, it was this:
?
This one highlights how you, 2007, were insane, and proved to us, people, that everything good dies.
Do you know why they killed that robot monkey? Fear, you guys. It was fear. What is so scary about a half-robot-half-monkey? Look one in the eye and tell me you see something you should fear:
Okay, back to 2007, abstractly!!!!!!!!!
Unless you lived under a rock this year, you can't forget:
Okay, this one represents how you, 2007, were kind of like something I've already done, only shittier. More accurately: it seemed shittier at first, but then I realized it was always kind of shitty.
Even the original "The Munsters"= not that good. In many ways, you, 2007, are the true spirit of that sentiment.
And finally, what would a recap of 2007 be without:
This, of course was filmed at "Club Penguin." A virtual world where 8 year olds interact with each other using self-created penguin avatars. Interestingly, I was recently told by an 8 year old that shyer 8 year olds are moving to Club Penguin Australia, because Club Penguin America is getting too crowded. Oh, 2007. That really says it all. You made no sense, were seemingly harmless, and kind of made me unomfortable for some reason.
So, goodbye 2007. It was real. As we embrace for the last time now, 2007, I can't help noticing the part of you that was totally
. You know, that might be the part about you I miss most, 2007. Of all the parts of you I'll miss after you die. Die the death you must, at this verymoment, be so frightened to die. In just a few short hours, 2007. Death. It is death for you.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
2007: Triumphs and Tragedies
Triumphs:
Here's to hoping that in 2008, every song is an 18-yr-old girl just rapping about lip gloss:
Lil Mama- Lip Gloss
Add to My Profile | More Videos
and congress gets taken over by babies:
Tragedies
America mourned the deaths of one of its favorite shows:
and one of its fave national pastimes:
That pretty much covers everything.
So long, 2007: I never though I'd say this, but I'll miss you and your zany, year-related antics.
[cue mash-up of "I'll Be Missing You" and "Sweet Little Lies." And "Hit 'Em Up Style."]
[Nobody steal that mash-up idea from me.]
KIT,
The MC
Here's to hoping that in 2008, every song is an 18-yr-old girl just rapping about lip gloss:
Lil Mama- Lip Gloss
Add to My Profile | More Videos
and congress gets taken over by babies:
Tragedies
America mourned the deaths of one of its favorite shows:
and one of its fave national pastimes:
That pretty much covers everything.
So long, 2007: I never though I'd say this, but I'll miss you and your zany, year-related antics.
[cue mash-up of "I'll Be Missing You" and "Sweet Little Lies." And "Hit 'Em Up Style."]
[Nobody steal that mash-up idea from me.]
KIT,
The MC
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Oddly Enough: The WeIrDesT WiiIIlDeSt wAckIEst news from all around the world
Dateline Pakistan: Hope was murdered. More like Wackystan. But at least it taught me that I should just do whatever people who threaten me with violence tell me to do. Cause I don't want to get murdered.
You bros wanna play some wacky sack after I go to Radio Wack and return Amy Winehouse's "Wack in Wack"?
HEY LOOK OUT! A tiger is going to murder you.
That brings us to our next wacked out news item.
Dateline: San Fransisco: A tiger murdered a man.
2007: The year where horrible things came out of nowhere and murdered you. Your body AND your spirit.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Have you guys seen Slip Sliding Away?
Stick with it through skiing intro. Watch it all the way through to the end. It all comes together. And it pays you back whatever you put into it.
Happy New Year. We got you that.
WE'RE BOTH BLOGGING AT THE SAME TIME RIGHT NOW.*
*window into our lives
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Have you guys seen The 40 Year Old Virgin?
So good, you guys. I just saw it. You should check it out, with some friends or by yourself.
Do you guys remember this part, those of you who have seen it?
BUYING IT!
Listen to this song, >>THIS SONG<<<and tell me what you think happened to the girl-subject of the lyrics. Here are the three camps of hypotheses I've come up with, broadly.
1. Molested/raped
2. Just a woman coping with the pain of being as such
3. A conscious play on 1 as an expression of 2.
Do you guys remember this part, those of you who have seen it?
BUYING IT!
Listen to this song, >>THIS SONG<<<and tell me what you think happened to the girl-subject of the lyrics. Here are the three camps of hypotheses I've come up with, broadly.
1. Molested/raped
2. Just a woman coping with the pain of being as such
3. A conscious play on 1 as an expression of 2.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
I wrote the title to an article about the state of jazz in the NYT Sunday magazine
"Nu Jazz, New Jazz, Who Jazz, You Jazz?"
The article is light but insightful, and the rhythms of the music at hand, Jazz, are present in every sentence.
The article is light but insightful, and the rhythms of the music at hand, Jazz, are present in every sentence.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Speaking of the Power of Art...
This was one of the links on my NY Times homepage today:
You had me at "metaphor for capitalism."
Movie Review | 'Flakes':
Cereal as a Metaphor for Capitalism
You had me at "metaphor for capitalism."
Monday, December 17, 2007
You Are What (Shamelessly Partisan Things) You Buy
This is from an article in The Chronicle about the dangers of personalizable media:
Here’s a fun “thought experiment.”* I’ll make up an anonymous Amazon customer’s cart, and you try to identify his (or her) state color:
Hazelnut biscottis
Wilco CD
fair-trade scarf
Frieda Kahlo wall calendar
bike light
carbon steel wok
Ann Coulter's If Democrats Had Any Brains, They’d Be Republicans
Apples 2 Apples.
Don’t you feel as if you’ve known that person for years? That’s because I just painted for you what creative writers call a “word picture.” You can thank me later.
*still not sure I understand what a thought experiment is.
Every year filtering and niche marketing become more sophisticated and refined. Studies show that on Amazon, many purchasers can be divided into "red-state camps" and "blue-state camps," and those who are in one or another camp receive suitable recommendations, ensuring that people will have plenty of materials that cater to, and support, their predilections.
Here’s a fun “thought experiment.”* I’ll make up an anonymous Amazon customer’s cart, and you try to identify his (or her) state color:
Hazelnut biscottis
Wilco CD
fair-trade scarf
Frieda Kahlo wall calendar
bike light
carbon steel wok
Ann Coulter's If Democrats Had Any Brains, They’d Be Republicans
Apples 2 Apples.
Don’t you feel as if you’ve known that person for years? That’s because I just painted for you what creative writers call a “word picture.” You can thank me later.
*still not sure I understand what a thought experiment is.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Old Places
I just overheard this college freshman telling her friend about her impressions of Harvard:
“Everything is so old. It’s like going to Hogwarts.”
Hogwarts: one of the oldest places on earth. Predated only by Mordor and the place Where the Wild Things Are.
Take that, England and Europe: America does have history. Moreover, our history actually exists, whereas yours is just a confused jumble of young adult fantasy fiction settings.
Take that.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Gratitude Journal: Luther Vandross
Finals are over and I'm stoned. I decided to start a new feature here called "Gratitude Journal" where we can talk about what we're thankful for.
Here's to you Luther Vandross.
How kind are you? You're so mild-mannered and joyful. Then, in your spare time you just take it to the studio and dominate it, masterfully converting your overwhelmingly joyful kindness into wholly platonic love letters for the world, in the form of r&b. Your songs are almost the best sex jams ever, but then it turns out that they are the least sexy songs ever recorded. You have never had sex. You're just a warm, joyful friend. You are as pure as your are smooth. And I mean physically smooth. You have the smoothest face I have ever seen, and you are always covered in silk. Anyway, what's not to love? Thanks for existing.
"Just said she'd miss me every minute of the time
She wrote me that on a valentine"
Luther Vandross: relationship expert.
Here's to you female crackheads.
Because I heard one of you saying "It's Iraq now it's--MAMA! MAMA! I see you up there in heaven! (waving at heaven) I'M TRYING TO CHECK MYSELF! (histrionic collapse) Mama!...MAMAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa!" Thanks for the reminder of the huge disparity in life experiences out there in the world. You are doing awful.
!GRATITUDE JOURNAL!
Here's to you Luther Vandross.
How kind are you? You're so mild-mannered and joyful. Then, in your spare time you just take it to the studio and dominate it, masterfully converting your overwhelmingly joyful kindness into wholly platonic love letters for the world, in the form of r&b. Your songs are almost the best sex jams ever, but then it turns out that they are the least sexy songs ever recorded. You have never had sex. You're just a warm, joyful friend. You are as pure as your are smooth. And I mean physically smooth. You have the smoothest face I have ever seen, and you are always covered in silk. Anyway, what's not to love? Thanks for existing.
"Just said she'd miss me every minute of the time
She wrote me that on a valentine"
Luther Vandross: relationship expert.
Here's to you female crackheads.
Because I heard one of you saying "It's Iraq now it's--MAMA! MAMA! I see you up there in heaven! (waving at heaven) I'M TRYING TO CHECK MYSELF! (histrionic collapse) Mama!...MAMAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa!" Thanks for the reminder of the huge disparity in life experiences out there in the world. You are doing awful.
Monday, December 10, 2007
The National and the Problem of Other Minds
Nick:
Have you heard The National? I investigated them in earnest on the tip of a trustworthy blog.
Oh my god. Who is the world?
Liz:
I just checked out their MySpace. Lookout Barenaked Ladies. barf.
Nick:
Here’s my beef with The National. Do our peers really think that's beautiful? Like they live the lives we do, and then in their private time they sit down and really feel that vision of the world? Because I do not feel it, and I do not understand how you can live in the same world I live in and get that from it. And that's how things work.
Liz:
Well if that's the only basis for your beef w/ The National, maybe they'll grow on you? I agree, but on the other hand, music tastes follow certain set trajectories, and the one you end up on as an adult is the product of a lot of meaningless contingencies of your adolescence, so maybe those people who like The National aren't all that different from us. But it also seems like the taste trajectory you happen to follow still has to color your present-day worldview, if aesthetics means anything, so maybe those people are profoundly different from us and do experience the world in a completely alien way. [puzzled shrug]
Nick:
You're right. It's funny that I used to look for, like, metaphysical answers to those questions. Like I thought there was something in the music itself, then I thought there was a spirit of music that was progressing, and so on. It's like my brain went through the entire history of western thought just because I didn't understand why my heart was moved by certain things. And now I’ve come to terms with radical contingency. So, thanks again, Fleetwood Mac.
Liz: I feel our conversations sometimes operate on a strange plane.
Nick: I also like how this started by me wanting a girlfriend and convincing myself of how special I was.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
This is your brain on the Millennial Crier
From the NYT Magazine "Year in Ideas," an entry on "Neurorealism":
A paper published online in September by the journal Cognition shows that assertions about psychology — even implausible ones like “watching television improved math skills” — seem much more believable to laypeople when accompanied by images from brain scans.
Laypeople are
Also, this Ideas issue is the most bloggable thing to hit the internet since Sonic the Hedgehog’s abstinence video. Stay tuned.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Lil Boosie: a Doctor
If you haven't read the new XXL, you don't know enough about diabetes. In the XXL feature "The Truth," readers are offered the essay "Lil Boosie: More Than Music. The Bad Azz Talks about Coping with Diabetes." Here's what the diabetes sufferer and rapper whose hits include no hits and whose tracks include no particularly interesting tracks lets us know:
- "weed come from the earth, so it be helping me sweat my diabetes out."
- "I feel like when I rhyme about having diabetes, it makes me harder...it's like ...You aint got to worry about "Should I eat this?" or "Should I eat that?"
[ed. who doesn't get hard when people rhyme about diabetes?]
- "If there was a cure for diabetes, I would buy that shit."
- "There's some things you can do to get [diabetes] out of your system, by exercising and things like that, but unfortunately I don't have time to do that right now."
- "I'm just trying to keep these millions, so I can take care of more problems with the money and power I bring."
Lil Boosie Official Myspace
- "weed come from the earth, so it be helping me sweat my diabetes out."
- "I feel like when I rhyme about having diabetes, it makes me harder...it's like ...You aint got to worry about "Should I eat this?" or "Should I eat that?"
[ed. who doesn't get hard when people rhyme about diabetes?]
- "If there was a cure for diabetes, I would buy that shit."
- "There's some things you can do to get [diabetes] out of your system, by exercising and things like that, but unfortunately I don't have time to do that right now."
- "I'm just trying to keep these millions, so I can take care of more problems with the money and power I bring."
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
You guys like Mopreme Shakur?
Mopreme Shakur's Myspace
It's Tupac's brother. Supergoup in my mind: Mopreme, Solange, Da Brat, Carly Simon's brother, a retarded person, and Led Zeppelin on guitar
It's Tupac's brother. Supergoup in my mind: Mopreme, Solange, Da Brat, Carly Simon's brother, a retarded person, and Led Zeppelin on guitar
Monday, November 26, 2007
Lies our mothers told us
Remember alienation? It used to be how we talked about the manner in which the contemporary condition was destroying our human essence. It turned about to be a lie. You forgot about it. There was no reason not to. Well, it's back -- IN THREE NEW FORMS
1.
The first is Facebook alientation, earlier outlined in an architecture review published in this very blog. It goes like this:
And then you have to think:
1) Who am I to even judge? Good for them. Having a good time. I bet pictures of me and my friends look like that to them.
2) Secretly I know that pictures of me and my friends look cooler
3) They don't, do they? That wouldn't make any sense. I'm just a facebook person like these friends. I guess I'm fine with that. Equality. Democracy. America in the Digital Age. I'm fine with that.
4) Who am I?
2.
The second is called "understanding the noble effort of I Am Charlotte Simmons alientation." It's when you see tweens hip hopping around on roller shoes, listening to music they call "emo," which is short for "emotional," and engaging in a fad called "cutting" or "cut" where they use store bought razor blades and actually cut the soft flesh of their young bodies...because they like the scars. "You ever feel real pain?" Jordan hissed. "eYe KNO PA1N 4 REL," C.W. "instant messaged" in return, bemusedly.
Anyway, it's when you look at young people and can't figure out what they're doing.
what are they doing?
3.
The third is when you learn a new way not to trust your friends because you see Nora Dunn on Saturday Night Live reruns and realize that you could just hang out with a group of people for, like, 6 years and nobody would ever think to care enough about you to let you know that no one really liked you or anything you did besides stand around.
There, I said it.
The first is Facebook alientation, earlier outlined in an architecture review published in this very blog. It goes like this:
And then you have to think:
1) Who am I to even judge? Good for them. Having a good time. I bet pictures of me and my friends look like that to them.
2) Secretly I know that pictures of me and my friends look cooler
3) They don't, do they? That wouldn't make any sense. I'm just a facebook person like these friends. I guess I'm fine with that. Equality. Democracy. America in the Digital Age. I'm fine with that.
4) Who am I?
The second is called "understanding the noble effort of I Am Charlotte Simmons alientation." It's when you see tweens hip hopping around on roller shoes, listening to music they call "emo," which is short for "emotional," and engaging in a fad called "cutting" or "cut" where they use store bought razor blades and actually cut the soft flesh of their young bodies...because they like the scars. "You ever feel real pain?" Jordan hissed. "eYe KNO PA1N 4 REL," C.W. "instant messaged" in return, bemusedly.
Anyway, it's when you look at young people and can't figure out what they're doing.
what are they doing?
The third is when you learn a new way not to trust your friends because you see Nora Dunn on Saturday Night Live reruns and realize that you could just hang out with a group of people for, like, 6 years and nobody would ever think to care enough about you to let you know that no one really liked you or anything you did besides stand around.
There, I said it.
Labels:
alienation,
emo kids,
facebook,
I Am Charlotte Simmons,
lies,
nora dunn,
snaps,
there I said it
Science does it again
After I read about this surfer's new "theory of everything" on Joe Mande's blog, I wanted to do some research. Here's an excerpt from an article in The Economist :
Reading this article led me to four conclusions:
1) If you’re a mathematician, don’t be named “Lie.”
2) There is apparently a law that groundbreaking theories in physics have to be delivered to us by cartoon characters. Like, uncles who know how to pull a quarter from your ear, madcap-style.
The precursor to the surfer was this guy:
And then this guy:
Give me a break.
3) The scientific community sure is doing its part to corroborate the image I already carry around in my head of science as a huge funny cartoon.
4)Who will make the next bid to reconcile general relativity and quantum mechanics? Here's my prediction:
That a theory of everything might emerge from geometry would be neat, but it is a long shot. Nevertheless, that is what Garrett Lisi is proposing. The geometry he has been studying is that of a structure known to mathematicians as E8, which was first recognised in 1887 by Sophus Lie, a Norwegian mathematician. E8 is a monster. It has 248 dimensions and its structure took 120 years to solve. It was finally tamed earlier this year, when a group of mathematicians managed to construct a map that describes it completely.
Reading this article led me to four conclusions:
1) If you’re a mathematician, don’t be named “Lie.”
2) There is apparently a law that groundbreaking theories in physics have to be delivered to us by cartoon characters. Like, uncles who know how to pull a quarter from your ear, madcap-style.
The precursor to the surfer was this guy:
And then this guy:
Give me a break.
3) The scientific community sure is doing its part to corroborate the image I already carry around in my head of science as a huge funny cartoon.
4)Who will make the next bid to reconcile general relativity and quantum mechanics? Here's my prediction:
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Funny Names
In case you haven’t seen this video yet of Katie Couric self-consciously imitating the Youtube video of Dan Rather:
I would like it better if she didn’t seem like a teen who really wants to get caught shoplifting, but you have to admit this video is weird in a way that would give Baudrillard like five boners. And then render him obsolete.
Speaking of the postmodern condition (and when aren’t we over here at the MC), I want to share with you all an observation that Nick made during one of our intellectual discussions, or “salons” as I like to call them, about Lyotard:
“That dude’s name is Lyotard.”
Here’s another one to point out: 16th-century writer and translator Hieronymus Boner.
Now is the time to make the MC your homepage, if you haven't already.
I would like it better if she didn’t seem like a teen who really wants to get caught shoplifting, but you have to admit this video is weird in a way that would give Baudrillard like five boners. And then render him obsolete.
Speaking of the postmodern condition (and when aren’t we over here at the MC), I want to share with you all an observation that Nick made during one of our intellectual discussions, or “salons” as I like to call them, about Lyotard:
“That dude’s name is Lyotard.”
Here’s another one to point out: 16th-century writer and translator Hieronymus Boner.
Now is the time to make the MC your homepage, if you haven't already.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Snap DENIED
In retaliation to Nick’s snap, I have been making it my project to justify Raven Symone’s existence. (It's been a really busy week.) Well, I found it, big time. For all the haters out there who are like "what's so great about sandwiches?", Raven has made a video to set you straight. It’s also a helpful video if you don’t understand what a sandwich is.
I love this video because it seems like she is just saying words. And because it is subtitled “Advanced Projects,” and it centers on how to spread mayonnaise on bread.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Europe: Handle your boys
These articles are both on a Reuter's page that popped up on my gmail adsense
"Cremated son" turns up alive
and
Boys to swap homes 4 years after mix-up
What is happening to boys in Europe? Have you ever seen the European version of "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody"? It's like the American version only they play up the neglect in the uniquely European way of letting the boys go missing for days and then replacing them with other boys and the ashes of dead boys.
And then on the same page, they hit me with the scariest headline ever written, taking care to make sure I don't even see it coming
Comes out of nowhere and just kills you. Just like the Nazi Death Head Doctor, who is apparently STILL ON THE LOOSE.
"Cremated son" turns up alive
and
Boys to swap homes 4 years after mix-up
What is happening to boys in Europe? Have you ever seen the European version of "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody"? It's like the American version only they play up the neglect in the uniquely European way of letting the boys go missing for days and then replacing them with other boys and the ashes of dead boys.
And then on the same page, they hit me with the scariest headline ever written, taking care to make sure I don't even see it coming
Comes out of nowhere and just kills you. Just like the Nazi Death Head Doctor, who is apparently STILL ON THE LOOSE.
Architecture
There's an article in the New York Times today about a new condo building that was designed with ideas of the boundaries between public and private space in mind.
.
.
.
>>(I can't find a link to it you don't have to pay for. As I proceed, you'll have to trust me. truuust me.)<<
Here's the catch: in a world like ours where these boundaries are shifting radically (back story: we live in a world driven by a love of voyeurism), it turns out to be a condo made out of glass with holes in the walls between rooms. And guess who's fault it is: Facebook and Paris Hilton.
YOU RUIN EVERYTHING
Anyway the artcicle was titled "BREAKING TREND: PEOPLE WANT TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE NAKED, FIND OUT HOW SOMEONE TERRIBLE/ATTRACTIVE THEY JUST MET WOULD FILL OUT A FACEBOOK PROFILE," and it already won a Pulitzer.
this is what happens if you google image search "weak snap"
"lame link snap"
I think the Facebook charge is viable in the way a lot of time Facebook will turn into looking at pictures of people you don't know but who look kind of like you and your friends doing things that look kind of like things you do, and it's creepy and demoralizing. I believe that kind of thing would happen in and around the glass condo a lot. Also, the thought "I wanna live in the glass condo," would probably happen outside the condo a lot. Followed by a trouble maker in the group of people you are with outside the condo who would say "I wouldn't want to live there," followed by a lot of silent "shut the fuck up"s.
.
.
.
>>(I can't find a link to it you don't have to pay for. As I proceed, you'll have to trust me. truuust me.)<<
Here's the catch: in a world like ours where these boundaries are shifting radically (back story: we live in a world driven by a love of voyeurism), it turns out to be a condo made out of glass with holes in the walls between rooms. And guess who's fault it is: Facebook and Paris Hilton.
Anyway the artcicle was titled "BREAKING TREND: PEOPLE WANT TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE NAKED, FIND OUT HOW SOMEONE TERRIBLE/ATTRACTIVE THEY JUST MET WOULD FILL OUT A FACEBOOK PROFILE," and it already won a Pulitzer.
"lame link snap"
I think the Facebook charge is viable in the way a lot of time Facebook will turn into looking at pictures of people you don't know but who look kind of like you and your friends doing things that look kind of like things you do, and it's creepy and demoralizing. I believe that kind of thing would happen in and around the glass condo a lot. Also, the thought "I wanna live in the glass condo," would probably happen outside the condo a lot. Followed by a trouble maker in the group of people you are with outside the condo who would say "I wouldn't want to live there," followed by a lot of silent "shut the fuck up"s.
I wrote a New Yorker cartoon
It's a poorly rendered white couple looking at this modern art
and the caption is "My kid could do that!"
It's funny because it redeems art. It's sad because in a later cartoon you find out that the woman is unable to have children, but the man is fine with it because he's ashmed of himself for being Jewish. But, hey, THAT'S-A NEW YORK!
and the caption is "My kid could do that!"
It's funny because it redeems art. It's sad because in a later cartoon you find out that the woman is unable to have children, but the man is fine with it because he's ashmed of himself for being Jewish. But, hey, THAT'S-A NEW YORK!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
What dreams may come
I just woke up from a nap dream where I was in a huge mansion at a party celebrating the victory of Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential elections. I'm no Freud, but I think the dream represents how I recieve factual messages from the future in my dreams. I think that the mansion probably represents how strong and powerful I am. Physically, as a man.
I wrote a snap
Hey guys. Good to see you all. You know what, let's just get into it. Here goes:
The irony of the of the titular "That's So Raven" character is that if Raven Symone were really psychic she never would have allowed herself to grow up.
OH SNAP
SNAP
SNAP
If anyone wants to start a snaps blog HIT ME UP.
The irony of the of the titular "That's So Raven" character is that if Raven Symone were really psychic she never would have allowed herself to grow up.
OH SNAP
SNAP
SNAP
If anyone wants to start a snaps blog HIT ME UP.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Jews: Like us, but more God's chosen people
So I ran across this in Slate:
Are Jews a race? Is Jewish intelligence genetic? If these notions make you cringe, you're not alone. Many non-Jews find them offensive. Actually, scratch that. I have no idea whether non-Jews find them offensive. But I imagine that they do, which is why Jews like me wince at any suggestion of Jewish genetic superiority. We don't even want to talk about it.
How much do they not want to talk about it? Enough to organize a conference about it, it turns out. A conference which also got reported by Dana Milbank in the Washington Post, bringing this to light: "Jews get so embarrassed about Jewish IQ: 'We know we're smart but don't tell anyone else.' "
Seriously, though, that part is true. Have you ever met a prideful Jew? In my experience they're always really quiet about how they're Jewish and how proud they are and how great it is to be Jewish.
Anyway, with this conference, the silence was finally broken, and Jews joined the ranks of all other free, modern peoples who hold conferences regarding legitimate research into the intellectual superiotorty of their race.
The findings of the conference/the conclusions of both articles are: Jewish people are smarter. Espcially verbally. It's been proven...but not without complication. There are in fact 2 different possibilities as to how this condition came to be (it either has to do with the way reading the Torah weeded idiots out of the gene pool or how Jewish culture promotes intelligence. Not everything is cut and dry in academia, guys. Sorry to disappoint). To further complicate things, if you choose to accept that Jews are genetically smarter, you also have to accept that they are genetically susceptible to several diseases. (Can you do that? Can you accept it? WTF ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
It's a big decision. Are Jews genetically superior or are they?)
So, wait, in conclusion, Jews are smart and verbose and are paranoid about disease and death? Implicitly, they're self-obsessed to a kind of creepy extent but are seemingly unaware of that? Money well spent, Einsteins. I got a video of the data they used:
"Great conference, guys."
-- overheard at the conference
"I'm just kinda sad that we don't have, like, maybe control of the media, so that the findings could be made public."(kicks a rusty can)
-- what everyone was saying after the conference
Maybe I'm being too goy, but this whole collection of business sounds like pure insanity to me. Why does any of this matter? It seems like 19th Century news.
I also have to say that touting genetic superiority is NOT A GOOD LOOK, Jews.
Long story short/my veiws on Israel if you were wondering: JEWS! GET OVER YOURSELVES. BE AS SMART AS YOU WANT TO BE. YOU'RE JUST REGULAR RICH WHITE PEOPLE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
How much do they not want to talk about it? Enough to organize a conference about it, it turns out. A conference which also got reported by Dana Milbank in the Washington Post, bringing this to light: "Jews get so embarrassed about Jewish IQ: 'We know we're smart but don't tell anyone else.' "
Seriously, though, that part is true. Have you ever met a prideful Jew? In my experience they're always really quiet about how they're Jewish and how proud they are and how great it is to be Jewish.
Anyway, with this conference, the silence was finally broken, and Jews joined the ranks of all other free, modern peoples who hold conferences regarding legitimate research into the intellectual superiotorty of their race.
The findings of the conference/the conclusions of both articles are: Jewish people are smarter. Espcially verbally. It's been proven...but not without complication. There are in fact 2 different possibilities as to how this condition came to be (it either has to do with the way reading the Torah weeded idiots out of the gene pool or how Jewish culture promotes intelligence. Not everything is cut and dry in academia, guys. Sorry to disappoint). To further complicate things, if you choose to accept that Jews are genetically smarter, you also have to accept that they are genetically susceptible to several diseases. (Can you do that? Can you accept it? WTF ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
It's a big decision. Are Jews genetically superior or are they?)
So, wait, in conclusion, Jews are smart and verbose and are paranoid about disease and death? Implicitly, they're self-obsessed to a kind of creepy extent but are seemingly unaware of that? Money well spent, Einsteins. I got a video of the data they used:
"Great conference, guys."
-- overheard at the conference
"I'm just kinda sad that we don't have, like, maybe control of the media, so that the findings could be made public."(kicks a rusty can)
-- what everyone was saying after the conference
Maybe I'm being too goy, but this whole collection of business sounds like pure insanity to me. Why does any of this matter? It seems like 19th Century news.
I also have to say that touting genetic superiority is NOT A GOOD LOOK, Jews.
Long story short/my veiws on Israel if you were wondering: JEWS! GET OVER YOURSELVES. BE AS SMART AS YOU WANT TO BE. YOU'RE JUST REGULAR RICH WHITE PEOPLE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
Dia de los Muertos Winners and Losers
Full disclosure: in the true spirit of the holiday, all of the dead are winners. This reflects an insatiable lust for death in Mexican culture.
But I'm not really into it. I like paying tribute to those who have passed, though, so here's me pouring out a little liquor.jpeg for some notables we lost in 07.
WINNERS:
Washoe, the monkey who could talk. Dear World, WE CAN TALK TO ANIMALS NOW. Why doesn't anybody care about this? Koko can talk about her concept of death. Google that business. Also, this.
Lala Brown. I don't know who you were, where you came from, or what you did, but you were a beautiful girl, trying to give the gift of your R&B to the people is admirable, and the black internet couldn't stop blblogging about you.
Mr. Porter Wagoner. First of all, I gotta give it up for my fellow long-faces. Second of all, you dress exclusively in rhinestone covered suits and always have your hair relaxed. Thirdly, contra all the flash, your thing is that you were an unabashed under-the-radar populist, you wrote almost exclusively about heartbreak and the toils of being a kind man, and the most popular song you had anything to do with is one Dolly Parton wrote about leaving you and stealing money from you. Then you very publicly flipped out about that. You made her, man. And she just thought she could up and leave like that? And then she did, really succesfully. Then you let that mar the rest of your entire life and career, but still pressed on with your shows and acted like nobody was just thinking about it everytime they saw you. You're a tragic man-hero, buddy. Love for real.
Richard Rorty, you fart Noam Chomskies in your sleep. Your thought was an elegant joy in the key of pure American.
Tony Pierro, America's oldest living WWI veteran. Isn't everyone who was involved in World War I a winner though really? That's why they called it "The War Where Everybody Wins." FUNFACT: one time my dad made a joke and when I didn't get it he explained to me that when he was a child, during town parades they would have a float or car carrying a really old person with a sign that said "World's Oldest Living Civil War Veteran." And the joke relied on me knowing that this claim was hilariously untrue because THEY HAD CIVIL WAR VETERANS IN EVERY TOWN. Makes you wonder what kind of world dads are living in these days.
LOSERS:
Elizabeth Murray. Because of you I had to read SEVERAL ESSAYS about the seductiveness, tactile quality, and lusciousness of these forms.
You ruled the art world with fear and used your womanhood as a sheild against any pointing out of the fact that you were retarded. You incited complete breakdowns of people's trust in their own taste, that of others, and the possibilities for relationships between the two. Poor form.
DEAD TO ME:
Mark C. and Cody. You know what you did.
But I'm not really into it. I like paying tribute to those who have passed, though, so here's me pouring out a little liquor.jpeg for some notables we lost in 07.
Washoe, the monkey who could talk. Dear World, WE CAN TALK TO ANIMALS NOW. Why doesn't anybody care about this? Koko can talk about her concept of death. Google that business. Also, this.
Lala Brown. I don't know who you were, where you came from, or what you did, but you were a beautiful girl, trying to give the gift of your R&B to the people is admirable, and the black internet couldn't stop blblogging about you.
Mr. Porter Wagoner. First of all, I gotta give it up for my fellow long-faces. Second of all, you dress exclusively in rhinestone covered suits and always have your hair relaxed. Thirdly, contra all the flash, your thing is that you were an unabashed under-the-radar populist, you wrote almost exclusively about heartbreak and the toils of being a kind man, and the most popular song you had anything to do with is one Dolly Parton wrote about leaving you and stealing money from you. Then you very publicly flipped out about that. You made her, man. And she just thought she could up and leave like that? And then she did, really succesfully. Then you let that mar the rest of your entire life and career, but still pressed on with your shows and acted like nobody was just thinking about it everytime they saw you. You're a tragic man-hero, buddy. Love for real.
Richard Rorty, you fart Noam Chomskies in your sleep. Your thought was an elegant joy in the key of pure American.
Tony Pierro, America's oldest living WWI veteran. Isn't everyone who was involved in World War I a winner though really? That's why they called it "The War Where Everybody Wins." FUNFACT: one time my dad made a joke and when I didn't get it he explained to me that when he was a child, during town parades they would have a float or car carrying a really old person with a sign that said "World's Oldest Living Civil War Veteran." And the joke relied on me knowing that this claim was hilariously untrue because THEY HAD CIVIL WAR VETERANS IN EVERY TOWN. Makes you wonder what kind of world dads are living in these days.
Elizabeth Murray. Because of you I had to read SEVERAL ESSAYS about the seductiveness, tactile quality, and lusciousness of these forms.
You ruled the art world with fear and used your womanhood as a sheild against any pointing out of the fact that you were retarded. You incited complete breakdowns of people's trust in their own taste, that of others, and the possibilities for relationships between the two. Poor form.
Mark C. and Cody. You know what you did.
Friday, November 2, 2007
I knew I blogged u b4 I met u
SO BLOGGABLE
Almost every second of it is worthwhile.
On this note: girls, you can't always expect me to have dental dams. BUY YOUR OWN DENTAL DAMS.
Almost every second of it is worthwhile.
On this note: girls, you can't always expect me to have dental dams. BUY YOUR OWN DENTAL DAMS.
LOLbdsm
In porn, when at the end the girl is on her knees like "cum, cuuum," and she has to wait for kind of a long time, and then when the guy cums on her and she like spits it out with spit and she says "OH YEAH," that always takes me here
1. "Oh yeah"? (image of the Kool-Aid man if he had been molested as a child)
2. She's not really enjoying that
3. I guess that sounds real though. Acting is hard. If she's not enjoying that, what is she really enjoying in her life? It's sex, you know? Kudos to her for just doing that. Just coming to that realization and going for that. Fake it till you make it, girl (it=enjoying life).
4. Isn't that what fucking is really about?
5. Isn't it weird that in reality, it is not about anything like this scenario at all, though?
6. But I guess, what is reality?
7. Thanks again for that, porn.
8. RAGE
On that note, does anyone else feel alienated when they look at bondage porn? Those people always look like they have no idea what they're doing. Just completely confused by life, and trying and failing so hard at figuring it out. I'll tell you one thing I think is completely immoral is reminding people of the strong possibilty that existence is futile. So I guess they win for being subversive in that complete sucker-punch of a way alone, but in the end they lose for being jerks.
1. "Oh yeah"? (image of the Kool-Aid man if he had been molested as a child)
2. She's not really enjoying that
3. I guess that sounds real though. Acting is hard. If she's not enjoying that, what is she really enjoying in her life? It's sex, you know? Kudos to her for just doing that. Just coming to that realization and going for that. Fake it till you make it, girl (it=enjoying life).
4. Isn't that what fucking is really about?
5. Isn't it weird that in reality, it is not about anything like this scenario at all, though?
6. But I guess, what is reality?
7. Thanks again for that, porn.
8. RAGE
On that note, does anyone else feel alienated when they look at bondage porn? Those people always look like they have no idea what they're doing. Just completely confused by life, and trying and failing so hard at figuring it out. I'll tell you one thing I think is completely immoral is reminding people of the strong possibilty that existence is futile. So I guess they win for being subversive in that complete sucker-punch of a way alone, but in the end they lose for being jerks.
Labels:
alienation,
futility of life,
Kool-Aid,
let's just talk about it,
nerds,
porn
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Try Making that Prose a Little More Haunting
This morning I was just minding my own business, thinking about how glad I am not to be European, when I opened the NYT to discover that I may in fact be missing out. Apparently “no writer in Europe today has dealt more eloquently with the obligations and moral conundrums of memory, private and collective, than the Hungarian novelist and essayist Peter Nadas” [lies – ed.]. But Nadas wonders:
… can someone in, say, Boston, “pouring sweet maple syrup over sizzling bacon” understand “from such ambiguous sentences how deformed the thoughts and actions of someone can become who for years has used their mother tongue for hiding thoughts rather than for expressing them? […] How meaning slips around in the shadow of words, hissing through the gaps in their definitions?
Readers, as someone in Boston, and I will tell you that I almost never understand how meaning slips around in the shadow of words. It’s an obstacle I struggle with every day. Now excuse me while I go feast on some syrup-bacon, as per ushe, and forget about the past.
Some of the sentences in there brought to mind this essay/manifesto that Nick recently pointed out to me. It’s basically about how fucking annoying writers can be, and while it makes some crazy claims, it also says some things that I wish people talked about more. Anyway, read and be provoked...and then maybe we can have an instructive forum on the state of contemporary fiction or something? call me??
Friday, October 26, 2007
David Copperfield: Rapist? I weigh in
I just found out David Copperfield was accused of rape. Can you imagine getting raped by David Copperfield? I sure can. The articles about it say that 1) the FBI is in charge of the investigation and 2) all they can tell us right now is that they are searching his storage facilities for clues. I can't think of a better place for David Copperfield to store his rape clues. This all leads me to ask the question "WHAT IS GOING ON?"
Thankfully I can trust humanity to get a firm handle on this modern day Anansi ("Trickster character"). This is a clip of him dispelling any rumors of him being creepy and gross/making me redact the question"WHAT IS GOING ON?"/flying, that someone uploaded onto the internet under the title "David Copperfield - Levitation (...actually flying)"
And here are some of the comments
I would really like to press these people further to see if they know what Asia actually is. "I know wha...It's Asia...c'mon...it's where people use their minds to fly. Asia. It hasn't caught on in the West because people here totally don't even want to fly."
and then I like this one cause it's a complete failure of trying to play it cool in front of a flying guy
I think the debate people are having about whether or not David Copperfield is actually magic, and whether he is more or less magic than David Blaine, is one we should have started a long time ago. I told you the internet is the future; facilliating potent discussion between people ALL OVER THE WORLD.
Speaking of times and places, it's weird to think that there was a time and place where that video would have been a legitimate and effective presidential campaign speech. Now I'm imagining Barack Obama recreating it (exactly) and I'm realizing that time and place can be found within my heart.
Progress.
Sheesh.
Anyway: David Copperfield is a rapist, pass it on.
Thankfully I can trust humanity to get a firm handle on this modern day Anansi ("Trickster character"). This is a clip of him dispelling any rumors of him being creepy and gross/making me redact the question"WHAT IS GOING ON?"/flying, that someone uploaded onto the internet under the title "David Copperfield - Levitation (...actually flying)"
And here are some of the comments
I would really like to press these people further to see if they know what Asia actually is. "I know wha...It's Asia...c'mon...it's where people use their minds to fly. Asia. It hasn't caught on in the West because people here totally don't even want to fly."
and then I like this one cause it's a complete failure of trying to play it cool in front of a flying guy
I think the debate people are having about whether or not David Copperfield is actually magic, and whether he is more or less magic than David Blaine, is one we should have started a long time ago. I told you the internet is the future; facilliating potent discussion between people ALL OVER THE WORLD.
Speaking of times and places, it's weird to think that there was a time and place where that video would have been a legitimate and effective presidential campaign speech. Now I'm imagining Barack Obama recreating it (exactly) and I'm realizing that time and place can be found within my heart.
Progress.
Sheesh.
Anyway: David Copperfield is a rapist, pass it on.
Labels:
actually flying,
Anansi,
David Copperfield,
progress,
rape
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