Gratitude Journal: Luther Vandross

Finals are over and I'm stoned. I decided to start a new feature here called "Gratitude Journal" where we can talk about what we're thankful for.

Here's to you Luther Vandross.
How kind are you? You're so mild-mannered and joyful. Then, in your spare time you just take it to the studio and dominate it, masterfully converting your overwhelmingly joyful kindness into wholly platonic love letters for the world, in the form of r&b. Your songs are almost the best sex jams ever, but then it turns out that they are the least sexy songs ever recorded. You have never had sex. You're just a warm, joyful friend. You are as pure as your are smooth. And I mean physically smooth. You have the smoothest face I have ever seen, and you are always covered in silk. Anyway, what's not to love? Thanks for existing.

"Just said she'd miss me every minute of the time
She wrote me that on a valentine"
Luther Vandross: relationship expert.

Here's to you female crackheads.
Because I heard one of you saying "It's Iraq now it's--MAMA! MAMA! I see you up there in heaven! (waving at heaven) I'M TRYING TO CHECK MYSELF! (histrionic collapse) Mama!...MAMAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa!" Thanks for the reminder of the huge disparity in life experiences out there in the world. You are doing awful.

!GRATITUDE JOURNAL!