Saturday, November 3, 2007

Dia de los Muertos Winners and Losers

Full disclosure: in the true spirit of the holiday, all of the dead are winners. This reflects an insatiable lust for death in Mexican culture.



But I'm not really into it. I like paying tribute to those who have passed, though, so here's me pouring out a little liquor.jpeg for some notables we lost in 07.

WINNERS:


Washoe, the monkey who could talk. Dear World, WE CAN TALK TO ANIMALS NOW. Why doesn't anybody care about this? Koko can talk about her concept of death. Google that business. Also, this.


Lala Brown. I don't know who you were, where you came from, or what you did, but you were a beautiful girl, trying to give the gift of your R&B to the people is admirable, and the black internet couldn't stop blblogging about you.



Mr. Porter Wagoner. First of all, I gotta give it up for my fellow long-faces. Second of all, you dress exclusively in rhinestone covered suits and always have your hair relaxed. Thirdly, contra all the flash, your thing is that you were an unabashed under-the-radar populist, you wrote almost exclusively about heartbreak and the toils of being a kind man, and the most popular song you had anything to do with is one Dolly Parton wrote about leaving you and stealing money from you. Then you very publicly flipped out about that. You made her, man. And she just thought she could up and leave like that? And then she did, really succesfully. Then you let that mar the rest of your entire life and career, but still pressed on with your shows and acted like nobody was just thinking about it everytime they saw you. You're a tragic man-hero, buddy. Love for real.



Richard Rorty, you fart Noam Chomskies in your sleep. Your thought was an elegant joy in the key of pure American.



Tony Pierro, America's oldest living WWI veteran. Isn't everyone who was involved in World War I a winner though really? That's why they called it "The War Where Everybody Wins." FUNFACT: one time my dad made a joke and when I didn't get it he explained to me that when he was a child, during town parades they would have a float or car carrying a really old person with a sign that said "World's Oldest Living Civil War Veteran." And the joke relied on me knowing that this claim was hilariously untrue because THEY HAD CIVIL WAR VETERANS IN EVERY TOWN. Makes you wonder what kind of world dads are living in these days.


LOSERS:

Elizabeth Murray. Because of you I had to read SEVERAL ESSAYS about the seductiveness, tactile quality, and lusciousness of these forms.



You ruled the art world with fear and used your womanhood as a sheild against any pointing out of the fact that you were retarded. You incited complete breakdowns of people's trust in their own taste, that of others, and the possibilities for relationships between the two. Poor form.

DEAD TO ME:



Mark C. and Cody. You know what you did.

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