Seriously. ?.

This is from Rush Limbaugh's radio show.
Who's singing? It's this:

What is that? It's Paul Shanklin...the Rush Limbaugh show's "man of many voices", and a constant source of political humor on Rush Limbaugh .

His impressions of Bill Clinton , Ross Perot, Al Gore, George W. Bush, Joe Lieberman and many others are heard nationwide by an audience of over 20 million. These impressions represent the pinnacle of conservative political humor on the radio

Here are my thoughts:
1) Seriously? Stop it. Seriously. Stop.
2) Who is singing back up harmony?
3) What are those people's lives like?
4) Am I racist for being pretty sure that Barack Obama is magic? Because from where I'm sitting all signs point to he's magic.
5) As a humorist, if, while writing your parody, one of your most pressing concerns is sourcing your lyrics so you sound less racist a) check yourself and b) check yourself again when you're practicing your stupid black voice.
6) I really think conservatives' a) complete inabilty to be funny and b) intense desire to be found funny (look into Ann Coulter more. You'll be surprised how much she REEAALLY wants people to think she's cool and funny. Above most other things.), is an important place to start looking at the differences between red and blue world views. I watch these things and I don't know what is going on. It's seriously like Japanese people. My hard-earned cultural literacy is proven wholly useless. I don't know what is happening for a second.

DADuuuhhhh!

Say what you will about President Bush (and would somebody say something already?), the president, in general, will always be our national dad. Proof:

I'M MORTIFIED!
I'll go on to say that the specific nature of this dad explains why all kids are emo now.

Q-Town

This one goes out to Nick D.

Spoiler Alert

I finally saw the first episode of season six of the Sopranos, but it was kind of spoiled for me by the New Yorker. Here’s a tip for Nancy Franklin: if you reference a show’s “devastating, mind-blowing ending,” you might as well just tell us that Tony’s going to get shot. Here’s another tip for Nancy Franklin: cut back on your parentheses usage.
While I’m handing out tips, I wish professors would stop assigning novels over multiple weeks and then talking about the endings in the first lecture, and jokily being like “not to spoil it for you guys, but...” Because that’s exactly what you’re doing.
The human impulse for plot is crazy/beautiful, and the more I read about it the less I understand.* The only people who have come to terms with it are the people who are addicted to reading spoiler websites. According to Wikipedia these people are called “spoiler sluts,” but that sounds defensive: deep down, we are all spoiler sluts.

*Please join MC's campaign to make "crazy/beautiful" happen as an aesthetic category. We've already got Ch. 1 of the treatise written ("Concerning the crazy/beautiful in nature, and its effect on man's emotions"). You know when something semantic opens up a whole new way of seeing? Just sayin'.

The Legend of 420

For all of you who were dying inside while convincing yourself bong hitage at 4:20 on the morning of 4/21 kind of counted, I just got word that this year, because 4/20 fell on a Friday, we have what is known as a "420 Weekend." I told you god was black.

The fine ladies at Girls Gone Weed just passed all their myspace friends a fatty hit of kind, kind...INFORMATION. About 420. In the style of an SAT reading comprehension practice test excerpt. Here it is:

"420 started in 1972 with six students at San Rafael High School in Marin County.They called themselves the "Waldos" because they didn't fit in with any of the established social groups at school. The Waldos really loved the New Riders of the Purple Sage, the first Grateful Dead spin off band. In the mid-seventies, the headquarters for the Grateful Dead was only a few blocks from San Rafael High School.

One day, one of the Waldos was given a map to an abandoned pot field located in a remote section of Marin County near the ocean. The Waldos met one day after school to go look for this pot patch and they decided to meet at the Louis Pasteur statue outside the school at 4:20. They reminded each other during the day about the planned adventure by saying "420" to each other in the hallways. They would spend many afternoons searching for the field, but never found it. Eventually, 420 became a Waldo code word for marijuana, a code that spread into the Grateful Dead scene, and eventually reached High Times magazine. After I discovered the code, I began organizing ceremonies at 420 at the Cannabis Cup, WHEE!, and other events. Before long, the code circled the globe and people in Japan, Australia, Netherlands, Brazil, and many other countries began celebrating marijuana at 4:20 p.m. I think 420 is important for a number of reasons. Not only is it the first big international holiday of cannabis culture, but it's also a helpful guide for responsible use. Unless you have a medical need, it's best to wait until 4:20 to become intoxicated. It's our "tea time" and "happy hour" rolled into one. And remember: The less you do, the higher you get. People who wait until 4:20 get a lot higher than breakfast bonghitters."

Well done.



Louis Pasteur thinking about how cool his roommates would think he was if he had the balls to steal some shit from the lab.

Renegs and Corrections

I just Wikipedia'd Hitler. NOT COOL. ~*sUpEr EmbArRasSeD*~ Scrambled eggs all over my face. I'd post the link to the artcle, but I wouldn't read it if I were you. Seems like the kind of thing we should all just forget about and never speak of again. Gee-ahh (shakes off hardcore heeby-jeebies).

HAPPY 4/20, Y'all!

And a big "Happy Birthday" to Hitler. 118 years young already.


Another one goes out to Luther Vandross. We miss you Brother Luther.

Summer Marinade Recipe

Just stew in this one for 5-10.

Delicious

There is something honest about books that get really into describing food; it's like they’re admitting that all literature is, on some level, just a protracted description of food.
One major oversight in this list of food scenes in literarature : where is Brian Jacques? Ever since reading about those medieval mice in Redwall, I have been trying to get my hands on some mead (14 years well spent). Good old BJ.
Also, that scene in Hatchet (or Hatchet 9?) when Hatchet returns from Hatchet Island and has his first meal in civilization, after he has been eating like dirt and berries.
People should not be allowed to use “delicious” to describe anything besides food.

Brian Williams thinks he and Zach Braff would really get along

Dear Mr. Braff,
First off Garden State is exactly like IS my life...
...
Please write back. Even just to say you got this letter or whatever. Please.
Best,
Brian Williams

Freak out about it

It's hard for Lady Mayors

Somebody has to blog about this stuff

Kool Kwiz

Hey, Chatterbean! Check this out:
Fun Quiz

Black Babies v. White Babies

I know what you're thinking ("black babies"), but the jury's still out folks.





Cast votes in the realest parts of your heart, or in our comments section.

Harvard Students: Keep those [White] Fingers on the Pulse!

Thanks to my friend Lizzie, and to the power of inference, I’ve just learned that Third Eye Blind 1) has been chosen by Harvard students to headline their outdoor spring festival, and 2) still exists. According to the student organizer:

'Everyone grew up with it, everyone’s listened to it, they’re really popular, their music can cut across all sorts of boundaries,' Tanjeloff said. 'We’re not going to isolate anyone with this pick.'

Yeah, I can’t think of anyone who that would isolate. When it comes to boundary-crossing appeal, it's like: Michael Jackson, followed closely by Third Eye Blind.

Contextual advertising: getting smarter and saucier by the day

I just looked up "synecdochically" in the Free Dictionary, and this ad immediately popped up beneath:

Ads by Goooooogle
Are You Gay? TheGayQuiz.com/gay

Lara Logan: A Blogabration

2:20 and beyond, and don't miss the last second.

The fact that hot women get whatever they want grants us clear access to their wants in pure form. Lara Logan apparently wants to work as hard as she can to make the world a better, more informed place. She's brash and true and has yet to miss a beat. She's been the clear winner of every controversy she's been a part of, and is a winner just for being on network news and involving herself in substantive controversies. In addition, she obviously smells great. If she's the future of news, who needs a future of anything else? Tonight, Lara Logan, I blogabrate my love for you.

Lara Logan fansite (FI-nally)

Want to nominate someone you know for a Millennial Crier Blogabration? It's easy! Send a 3-5 page typed, double-spaced essay about your nominee to:
Blogabrations! c/o
The Millennial Crier
123 Pine Tree Way
Between the Mountains and the Sea, America, 12345

Don't forget to use succulent prose!!!!!!!

Most Emailed

MC’s recent study of the past year of NYT “Most Emailed Articles” has yielded a surprising discovery: the NYT is read exclusively by 12-year-old girls. If you want your article to make it to the number one spot, it should incorporate one of the following:
1) adolescence/high school
2) a new scientific theory about why husbands are total goofs
3) cute animals
4) post-feminism, a cool new trend (ladies only!!!) that embraces everything from internalized self-loathing to really annoying prose styles
5) Jude Law’s perfect mix-tape

Google Fart Noise

I was hanging out with some working class friends of mine the other day and I discovered the best editing tool ever devised, which is adding (making a fart noise) after whatever you write. It's like a stage direction that indicates someone in your audience is making a fart noise. After you add the tool, read through your work and ask yourself "Does the fart noise seem completely out of place and look stupid compared to the text? Does it add to the fun of the text? Does it undercut and make the text look retarded?" If it's the formers: PUBLISH! SEND! BREATHE EASY! If it's the latter: get back to work. And as someone who's graduated college and read the beginnings of a lot of books, I gotta say, some people write their whole lives and pride themselves on a body of work that can all be felled by a simple (making a fart noise), which is so sad.
(making a fart noise)
I think Google or Microsoft Word would do the world good if a pre-made (making a fart noise) were added as a feature to the standard editing toolbar. It would have saved me quite a bit of embarrassment.
(making a fart noise)
See, doesn't the phrase "quite a bit" sound unnecessarily gay?
Now I know. Thanks, (making a fart noise).

Young Adult Novel Review

Just ran across this in the "Grade 9 and Up" section at Barnes & Noble


I'm glad someone's finally tackling it.

Try going to sleep...

... did you? MC short sheeted your bed. APRIL FOOLS!

Try peeing. Did you? MC put saran wrap over the seat and you got pee everywhere! APRIL FOOLS!

MC is pregnant.

No really. We don't know what to do, but we're weighing our options. It's been a really tough few days.

Tender Buttons

Is it just me, or does the Internet look a lot like pure love? In all it's epic beauty and frustrating, flat stupidity; it's particularity and universality. Let's not forget: the future is a creative venture. Let's not forget: the best part about creative ventures is that it's impossible for creators to avoid revealing their hearts.
Let's not forget.

Sweetness and light, bitches. It never dies.