You guys like Mopreme Shakur?

Mopreme Shakur's Myspace

It's Tupac's brother. Supergoup in my mind: Mopreme, Solange, Da Brat, Carly Simon's brother, a retarded person, and Led Zeppelin on guitar

Lies our mothers told us

Remember alienation? It used to be how we talked about the manner in which the contemporary condition was destroying our human essence. It turned about to be a lie. You forgot about it. There was no reason not to. Well, it's back -- IN THREE NEW FORMS

1.
The first is Facebook alientation, earlier outlined in an architecture review published in this very blog. It goes like this:



And then you have to think:
1) Who am I to even judge? Good for them. Having a good time. I bet pictures of me and my friends look like that to them.
2) Secretly I know that pictures of me and my friends look cooler
3) They don't, do they? That wouldn't make any sense. I'm just a facebook person like these friends. I guess I'm fine with that. Equality. Democracy. America in the Digital Age. I'm fine with that.
4) Who am I?


2.
The second is called "understanding the noble effort of I Am Charlotte Simmons alientation." It's when you see tweens hip hopping around on roller shoes, listening to music they call "emo," which is short for "emotional," and engaging in a fad called "cutting" or "cut" where they use store bought razor blades and actually cut the soft flesh of their young bodies...because they like the scars. "You ever feel real pain?" Jordan hissed. "eYe KNO PA1N 4 REL," C.W. "instant messaged" in return, bemusedly.
Anyway, it's when you look at young people and can't figure out what they're doing.

what are they doing?


3.

The third is when you learn a new way not to trust your friends because you see Nora Dunn on Saturday Night Live reruns and realize that you could just hang out with a group of people for, like, 6 years and nobody would ever think to care enough about you to let you know that no one really liked you or anything you did besides stand around.

There, I said it.

Science does it again

After I read about this surfer's new "theory of everything" on Joe Mande's blog, I wanted to do some research. Here's an excerpt from an article in The Economist :

That a theory of everything might emerge from geometry would be neat, but it is a long shot. Nevertheless, that is what Garrett Lisi is proposing. The geometry he has been studying is that of a structure known to mathematicians as E8, which was first recognised in 1887 by Sophus Lie, a Norwegian mathematician. E8 is a monster. It has 248 dimensions and its structure took 120 years to solve. It was finally tamed earlier this year, when a group of mathematicians managed to construct a map that describes it completely.

Reading this article led me to four conclusions:

1) If you’re a mathematician, don’t be named “Lie.”

2) There is apparently a law that groundbreaking theories in physics have to be delivered to us by cartoon characters. Like, uncles who know how to pull a quarter from your ear, madcap-style.
The precursor to the surfer was this guy:

And then this guy:

Give me a break.

3) The scientific community sure is doing its part to corroborate the image I already carry around in my head of science as a huge funny cartoon.

4)Who will make the next bid to reconcile general relativity and quantum mechanics? Here's my prediction:

Funny Names

In case you haven’t seen this video yet of Katie Couric self-consciously imitating the Youtube video of Dan Rather:

I would like it better if she didn’t seem like a teen who really wants to get caught shoplifting, but you have to admit this video is weird in a way that would give Baudrillard like five boners. And then render him obsolete.
Speaking of the postmodern condition (and when aren’t we over here at the MC), I want to share with you all an observation that Nick made during one of our intellectual discussions, or “salons” as I like to call them, about Lyotard:
“That dude’s name is Lyotard.”
Here’s another one to point out: 16th-century writer and translator Hieronymus Boner.
Now is the time to make the MC your homepage, if you haven't already.

So hot right now: Spheres

today's MSN news

Snap DENIED

In retaliation to Nick’s snap, I have been making it my project to justify Raven Symone’s existence. (It's been a really busy week.) Well, I found it, big time. For all the haters out there who are like "what's so great about sandwiches?", Raven has made a video to set you straight. It’s also a helpful video if you don’t understand what a sandwich is.
I love this video because it seems like she is just saying words. And because it is subtitled “Advanced Projects,” and it centers on how to spread mayonnaise on bread.

Europe: Handle your boys

These articles are both on a Reuter's page that popped up on my gmail adsense

"Cremated son" turns up alive


and


Boys to swap homes 4 years after mix-up


What is happening to boys in Europe? Have you ever seen the European version of "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody"? It's like the American version only they play up the neglect in the uniquely European way of letting the boys go missing for days and then replacing them with other boys and the ashes of dead boys.


And then on the same page, they hit me with the scariest headline ever written, taking care to make sure I don't even see it coming


Comes out of nowhere and just kills you. Just like the Nazi Death Head Doctor, who is apparently STILL ON THE LOOSE.

Architecture

There's an article in the New York Times today about a new condo building that was designed with ideas of the boundaries between public and private space in mind.
.
.
.

>>(I can't find a link to it you don't have to pay for. As I proceed, you'll have to trust me. truuust me.)<<

Here's the catch: in a world like ours where these boundaries are shifting radically (back story: we live in a world driven by a love of voyeurism), it turns out to be a condo made out of glass with holes in the walls between rooms. And guess who's fault it is: Facebook and Paris Hilton.



YOU RUIN EVERYTHING

Anyway the artcicle was titled "BREAKING TREND: PEOPLE WANT TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE NAKED, FIND OUT HOW SOMEONE TERRIBLE/ATTRACTIVE THEY JUST MET WOULD FILL OUT A FACEBOOK PROFILE," and it already won a Pulitzer.


this is what happens if you google image search "weak snap"


"lame link snap"

I think the Facebook charge is viable in the way a lot of time Facebook will turn into looking at pictures of people you don't know but who look kind of like you and your friends doing things that look kind of like things you do, and it's creepy and demoralizing. I believe that kind of thing would happen in and around the glass condo a lot. Also, the thought "I wanna live in the glass condo," would probably happen outside the condo a lot. Followed by a trouble maker in the group of people you are with outside the condo who would say "I wouldn't want to live there," followed by a lot of silent "shut the fuck up"s.

I wrote a New Yorker cartoon

It's a poorly rendered white couple looking at this modern art

and the caption is "My kid could do that!"

It's funny because it redeems art. It's sad because in a later cartoon you find out that the woman is unable to have children, but the man is fine with it because he's ashmed of himself for being Jewish. But, hey, THAT'S-A NEW YORK!

Screep capture

What dreams may come

I just woke up from a nap dream where I was in a huge mansion at a party celebrating the victory of Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential elections. I'm no Freud, but I think the dream represents how I recieve factual messages from the future in my dreams. I think that the mansion probably represents how strong and powerful I am. Physically, as a man.

I wrote a snap

Hey guys. Good to see you all. You know what, let's just get into it. Here goes:

The irony of the of the titular "That's So Raven" character is that if Raven Symone were really psychic she never would have allowed herself to grow up.

OH SNAP

SNAP

SNAP





If anyone wants to start a snaps blog HIT ME UP.

Jews: Like us, but more God's chosen people

So I ran across this in Slate:
Are Jews a race? Is Jewish intelligence genetic? If these notions make you cringe, you're not alone. Many non-Jews find them offensive. Actually, scratch that. I have no idea whether non-Jews find them offensive. But I imagine that they do, which is why Jews like me wince at any suggestion of Jewish genetic superiority. We don't even want to talk about it.

How much do they not want to talk about it? Enough to organize a conference about it, it turns out. A conference which also got reported by Dana Milbank in the Washington Post, bringing this to light: "Jews get so embarrassed about Jewish IQ: 'We know we're smart but don't tell anyone else.' "

Seriously, though, that part is true. Have you ever met a prideful Jew? In my experience they're always really quiet about how they're Jewish and how proud they are and how great it is to be Jewish.

Anyway, with this conference, the silence was finally broken, and Jews joined the ranks of all other free, modern peoples who hold conferences regarding legitimate research into the intellectual superiotorty of their race.

The findings of the conference/the conclusions of both articles are: Jewish people are smarter. Espcially verbally. It's been proven...but not without complication. There are in fact 2 different possibilities as to how this condition came to be (it either has to do with the way reading the Torah weeded idiots out of the gene pool or how Jewish culture promotes intelligence. Not everything is cut and dry in academia, guys. Sorry to disappoint). To further complicate things, if you choose to accept that Jews are genetically smarter, you also have to accept that they are genetically susceptible to several diseases. (Can you do that? Can you accept it? WTF ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
It's a big decision. Are Jews genetically superior or are they?)

So, wait, in conclusion, Jews are smart and verbose and are paranoid about disease and death? Implicitly, they're self-obsessed to a kind of creepy extent but are seemingly unaware of that? Money well spent, Einsteins. I got a video of the data they used:

"Great conference, guys."
-- overheard at the conference

"I'm just kinda sad that we don't have, like, maybe control of the media, so that the findings could be made public."(kicks a rusty can)
-- what everyone was saying after the conference



Maybe I'm being too goy, but this whole collection of business sounds like pure insanity to me. Why does any of this matter? It seems like 19th Century news.
I also have to say that touting genetic superiority is NOT A GOOD LOOK, Jews.


Long story short/my veiws on Israel if you were wondering: JEWS! GET OVER YOURSELVES. BE AS SMART AS YOU WANT TO BE. YOU'RE JUST REGULAR RICH WHITE PEOPLE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

Dia de los Muertos Winners and Losers

Full disclosure: in the true spirit of the holiday, all of the dead are winners. This reflects an insatiable lust for death in Mexican culture.



But I'm not really into it. I like paying tribute to those who have passed, though, so here's me pouring out a little liquor.jpeg for some notables we lost in 07.

WINNERS:

Washoe, the monkey who could talk. Dear World, WE CAN TALK TO ANIMALS NOW. Why doesn't anybody care about this? Koko can talk about her concept of death. Google that business. Also, this.


Lala Brown. I don't know who you were, where you came from, or what you did, but you were a beautiful girl, trying to give the gift of your R&B to the people is admirable, and the black internet couldn't stop blblogging about you.



Mr. Porter Wagoner. First of all, I gotta give it up for my fellow long-faces. Second of all, you dress exclusively in rhinestone covered suits and always have your hair relaxed. Thirdly, contra all the flash, your thing is that you were an unabashed under-the-radar populist, you wrote almost exclusively about heartbreak and the toils of being a kind man, and the most popular song you had anything to do with is one Dolly Parton wrote about leaving you and stealing money from you. Then you very publicly flipped out about that. You made her, man. And she just thought she could up and leave like that? And then she did, really succesfully. Then you let that mar the rest of your entire life and career, but still pressed on with your shows and acted like nobody was just thinking about it everytime they saw you. You're a tragic man-hero, buddy. Love for real.



Richard Rorty, you fart Noam Chomskies in your sleep. Your thought was an elegant joy in the key of pure American.



Tony Pierro, America's oldest living WWI veteran. Isn't everyone who was involved in World War I a winner though really? That's why they called it "The War Where Everybody Wins." FUNFACT: one time my dad made a joke and when I didn't get it he explained to me that when he was a child, during town parades they would have a float or car carrying a really old person with a sign that said "World's Oldest Living Civil War Veteran." And the joke relied on me knowing that this claim was hilariously untrue because THEY HAD CIVIL WAR VETERANS IN EVERY TOWN. Makes you wonder what kind of world dads are living in these days.


LOSERS:
Elizabeth Murray. Because of you I had to read SEVERAL ESSAYS about the seductiveness, tactile quality, and lusciousness of these forms.



You ruled the art world with fear and used your womanhood as a sheild against any pointing out of the fact that you were retarded. You incited complete breakdowns of people's trust in their own taste, that of others, and the possibilities for relationships between the two. Poor form.

DEAD TO ME:


Mark C. and Cody. You know what you did.

I knew I blogged u b4 I met u

SO BLOGGABLE

Almost every second of it is worthwhile.
On this note: girls, you can't always expect me to have dental dams. BUY YOUR OWN DENTAL DAMS.

LOLbdsm

In porn, when at the end the girl is on her knees like "cum, cuuum," and she has to wait for kind of a long time, and then when the guy cums on her and she like spits it out with spit and she says "OH YEAH," that always takes me here
1. "Oh yeah"? (image of the Kool-Aid man if he had been molested as a child)
2. She's not really enjoying that
3. I guess that sounds real though. Acting is hard. If she's not enjoying that, what is she really enjoying in her life? It's sex, you know? Kudos to her for just doing that. Just coming to that realization and going for that. Fake it till you make it, girl (it=enjoying life).
4. Isn't that what fucking is really about?
5. Isn't it weird that in reality, it is not about anything like this scenario at all, though?
6. But I guess, what is reality?
7. Thanks again for that, porn.
8. RAGE

On that note, does anyone else feel alienated when they look at bondage porn? Those people always look like they have no idea what they're doing. Just completely confused by life, and trying and failing so hard at figuring it out. I'll tell you one thing I think is completely immoral is reminding people of the strong possibilty that existence is futile. So I guess they win for being subversive in that complete sucker-punch of a way alone, but in the end they lose for being jerks.

Try Making that Prose a Little More Haunting

This morning I was just minding my own business, thinking about how glad I am not to be European, when I opened the NYT to discover that I may in fact be missing out. Apparently “no writer in Europe today has dealt more eloquently with the obligations and moral conundrums of memory, private and collective, than the Hungarian novelist and essayist Peter Nadas” [lies – ed.]. But Nadas wonders:

… can someone in, say, Boston, “pouring sweet maple syrup over sizzling bacon” understand “from such ambiguous sentences how deformed the thoughts and actions of someone can become who for years has used their mother tongue for hiding thoughts rather than for expressing them? […] How meaning slips around in the shadow of words, hissing through the gaps in their definitions?

Readers, as someone in Boston, and I will tell you that I almost never understand how meaning slips around in the shadow of words. It’s an obstacle I struggle with every day. Now excuse me while I go feast on some syrup-bacon, as per ushe, and forget about the past.

Some of the sentences in there brought to mind this essay/manifesto that Nick recently pointed out to me. It’s basically about how fucking annoying writers can be, and while it makes some crazy claims, it also says some things that I wish people talked about more. Anyway, read and be provoked...and then maybe we can have an instructive forum on the state of contemporary fiction or something? call me??