Larry Craig: What I learned

I think it's time somebody blogged about this Larry Craig debacle. When I think about it, the first thing that comes to mind is "LEARNING," because I learned so many things from it. Let me tell you about them.

The first thing I learned is that superweird overweight old men are having gay sex all around us. I learned that they are very good at being quiet and fitting into tiny spaces, and they love secrets. I learned that everywhere you are, they are, having gay, gay sex. Look around you right now. Notice anything? It's overweight senior citizens having gay sex. Everywhere. There are several of them quietly having gay sex right here in this blog. Don't see it yet? Wait. Soon they'll start to glow and dance before your eyes like in "A Beautiful Mind."

Second, I was listening to a local morning radio show unpack this text and one of the DJs said something that really resonated with me. "Why would someone be ashamed to be gay?" he inquired, "If you want to be gay, just do it," he said, "We only have one life to live so we should just live it," he orated. I wikipedia'd this and it turns out that it's all true. Enter a sea change in the way I understand my journey through the world. Don't beleive me? That's just because you can't trust me because of how I've hurt you in the past -- how I've hurt you and lied to you -- and I am sympathetic to that. But I'll tell you now that with the words of that DJ in mind, and with the translucent spectre of Larry Craig's weird, weird face floating above me, I recently seized the day in a way that celebrated the powerful truth the Senator gave as his gift to all of us. I took my best friend to my favorite public bathroom. We cleared away all the debris left behind from all the gay sex and sat indian style on the floor. Then I flashed him this secret sign
which is a code used by the deaf community that means "beautiful," (or, in deaf, "buhdifgluhtth") as a way to say "Hey, we only have one life to live, and I want to live this one knowing that you know I think you are

Then we paid the state $500 and publicly quit our jobs.

I think it's important that we turn this whole ordeal into something positive. I turned it into learning, and what I learned changed me forever. We only have one life to live, people. Do something weird and gay as soon as possible.