DNC: Winners and Losers

Winners: female astronauts, blasting
"If we can blast 50 women into space, we will someday launch a woman into the White House"
- Hillary Clinton

Winners: monkey astronauts, Lance Bass, conjecture

Winners: TV drug dealers from 1995
Mark Warner's speech finally gave car phones and the booming car phone market the political recognition they deserve.

Winner: the warmth of Nancy Pelosi's uncompromising femininity

I used to think lesbian sex was 100% scissoring, and the noise it made in my mind sounded like the way Speaker P sands down the end of each of her sentences to a seamless joint between her womanhood and the air around her.

Winner: Ancient Greece, aesthetic criticism
Apparently, the stage set for Obama's speech tonight is going to look like something out of ancient Greece! Like where democracy was invented! Leave it to the Republicans to pick up on that blunder. The McCain camp dubbed the set the "Temple of Obama" and "Barackopolis," and sent press and supporters a "style guide" for how to make a toga! It's like "Earth to Democrats: no one wears togas anymore!!!! We wear screen print t's."

Democrats:

"I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing. Cause I'm an idiot."

But seriously, I like political criticism and design criticism merging. Especially when the image of Ancient Greece is invoked to support some underlying argument about how democracy and the cult of personality don't work together. Further: ancient Greece is always a good look.

Winner: Mark Shields


Hey Mark! the Kind, Kind Face store called. They want their merch back, dude.

(Also: black jacket, blue/blue striped shirt, green and navy tie motif EVERY DAY. That's how you do it.)

Winner: Gwen Ifill


Hey Gwen! the Sense That You Have Really Strong Healthy Bones Factory called, they want to thank you for sending all their American laborers back to work (over 300 workers).

Losers: Laid off textile factory workers.

Losers in my book: Marc C. and Cody

You assdogs know what you did.