LOCO!

I was really excited to hear that Alberto Gonzales finally resigned, but less excited when I realized I was thinking of Carlos Mencia. They're easy to confuse because they're both so hilarioso.

Is it just me

or does God look fucking great lately?

WEINER ANNOUNCED

The search for the Millennial Crier Lil vanity protege is over!

Thanks to everyone for coming out! If there's one thing being around all these children has taught me, it's how deeply uncomfortable I am with Liz's inability to have children of her own.

Also, courtesy humanity in all its glory, this:

Can I get a "WTF?" followed by a knowing wink people?

Say It Ain't So, Anheuser-Busch SeaWorld

You know how everyone had been just taking it for granted that Wikipedia was entirely objective? Well, think again:

Last year a Wikipedia visitor edited the entry for the SeaWorld theme parks to change all mentions of “orcas” to “killer whales,” insisting that this was a more accurate name for the species.
There was another, unexplained edit: a paragraph about criticism of SeaWorld’s “lack of respect toward its orcas” disappeared. Both changes, it turns out, originated at a computer at Anheuser-Busch, SeaWorld’s owner.

So not only is Sea World abusing whales, they are ruining Wikipedia. They also like to spit on homeless people.
In response, the MC is officially calling for a SeaWorld Boycott. Strangely, my boycotting SeaWorld will produce a substantial drop in their revenue; I go there approximately twice a day. Those orcas are too cute.
To be honest, I started getting suspicious of Wikipedia the day that I went to the “Coca-Cola” entry and it read: “Coca-cola, which many people refer to as simply ‘the nectar of the Gods,’ is one of the healthiest drinks known to man. Scientists suspect that it prevents cancer, improves mental fortitude, and makes you taller: taller than the mountains. The Coca-Cola Company DEFINITELY HAS NEVER been criticized for its business practices. In 2004, Coca-Cola was voted “Company least likely to murder union organizers.”

SATURDAY NIGHTS!

In homage to the days when Lil' Bow Wow was owned by Snoop Dogg and Lil' Kim bought Lil' Shanice, I was searching for a Lil' person for the Millennial Crier. I narrowed it down to these kids:

This kid:


And this kid:


Which got me looking at these


I shared them with you because I believe Segways are still as thrilling today as they were the day they were born. When you see one it's acceptable to shout "SEGWAY" and point and just soak it up. That is worth something.

This is a dialogue, this is a conversation

Let's keep talking about The Pickup Artist. Here's a game I made up to play while I watch it:
1) Look into each of the cast members' eyes when they appear on screen.
2) Face a new reality that forces you to understand an entire life experience that, previously, you could not have understood less.
3) Now, allow yourself to realize that, actually, you could not understand it more.
4) Hate yourself in a new way.
5) Wait a beat.
6) Love yourself in a new way.
7) Draw a card and, if it's a number card, pass out the corresponding number of drinks or sips to your friends. Give a lot of sips to one girl as a sign that says "let's hook up," if that's what you're feeling.

Anyway, could you ask for a better piece of television?
What's that Philippines?

Well played, Philippines. You win again.

Blog blog blog

To make up for the recent lack of posting, here are a bunch of links to the New Yorker. (MC's understanding of how to make up for things is what makes us such a good boyfriend):
If you love Jane Austen and Lil Wayne – and if you do, I’ll probably marry you – check out the last issue. Also, on their website, David Denby has an audio discussion of Bergman and Antonioni, in which he laments the demise of 1960s movie-going culture, when people wore turtlenecks. Turtlenecks!
Speaking of visual art experiences so morally and intellectually engaging it makes you want to wear a turtleneck, I can’t stop watching VH1’s The Pickup Artist (thanks to Matthew for the tip). I particularly recommend the end of episode two, which features a young man uttering the phrase, “When I looked into Mystery’s and J-Dog’s and Matador’s eyes…”
Finally, readers, an anecdote: I went into CVS today and bought a box of kleenex, a carton of orange juice, some soup, and two boxes of cold medicine. At the checkout, the guy working there ID’d me and then gave me a slip of paper that said “Prevent teenage over-the-counter drug abuse.” I can't believe that guy saw through my elaborate ruse.