Halloween: Prepare your old lady costumes

For those of you who are going Halloween partying as an old lady character, or for comediennes developing an old lady character for the stage (which I recommend!), I found wikiHow How to Appear as an Old Lady
As a time saver, I've cut and pasted the entry. Here:

Steps
-Apply some darker foundation.
-Use brown eyeliner to make the wrinkles.
-Wear something from your grandma's wardrobe, preferably a dress.
-Match it with old-fashioned shoes
-Tease your hair and powder it, so that it looks white or grey.
-Wear fake, extravagant jewellery(it's better if it's gold).


Tips
-To appear more believable, fake an old woman's voice and speak like old people do.
-You can also carry a bag or a walking stick.
-Say stuff like "Back in my day" or "Before the war..."

"OUTRAGEOUS LIES! A BROAD, DEMEANING CHARACTERIZATION! I'M OUTRAGED!"

Another big thanks to the combined wisdom of millions/the Wiki Age. The world is flat y'all! Happy Halloween.

BUCK FUSH

I'm really upset about the Bush administration. If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention. These guys are like Hitler. And "Dubya" is an idiot who thinks he can just start wars when he feels like it. O did they hurt your daddy's feelings you poor little MONKEY.

I found this on the internet, and I just had to share it:



WHy isn't anyone talking about this?!

I feel helpless. I'm going to start another blog.


What a terrorist.

Ultimate Dream

The best part of the Barack Obama show tonight was when he was talking about his mother's death and he said

"it felt almost arbitrary...to watch someone you love so much go down that path -- and it's a lonely path...[makes you want to] seize the moment"

And then they cut to him declaring his candidacy for President.


dream

dream

dream

dream

dream

dream

dream

alien here to save us all

insane dream

dream

anxiety dream




A dream forged in the hearts of a thousand white children from Expo and Webster and Capital Hill reading Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry, in the minds a million people getting stoned and watching "Eyes on the Prize" and wishing it didn't have sad parts, in the moment FDR and MLK mixed with outer space and the Sims, you have come to save us all.
Don't disappoint us, B. Let us dream forever.

MC Scoop

I "covered" an "urban research conference" for the magazine I "work" for this weekend, and Chris Matthews was there. I overheard a big scoop. I can't tell you what it is but, in other news, my new favorite quote is:

"Sam Donalson is a child."
- Chris Matthews


Nothing could look more like a child


clearly a child


Dear Draq Queens: you make everyone uncomfortable. And not because you're outrageous or challenge conventions, but because you all only have 1 joke and it isn't funny and you force us to act like it is because if we didn't it would be so painful for all of us to watch you deal with we'd feel like it was a hate crime. So stop. We hate it. If you want to make us laugh that bad, buy us 30 Rock DVDs or something.


In other news, Liz and I picked out our Halloween costumes:

which is better...

...to use as an introductory image for a thought-provoking essay about the hollow nature of politics these days?!!!!!!!

This one goes out to our thousands and thousands of friends

Andrew Sullivan has a nice little apologia for blogging in the current Atlantic. It's called "Why I Blog," and here [SPOILER ALERT] is his conclusion:

Words, of all sorts, have never seemed so now.

Words: gotta love 'em. As Hamlet once said. But in case you are not as "now" as me or Andrew Sullivan, here's a summary of his article in picture form:

"There are times, in fact, when a blogger feels less like a writer than an online disc jockey, mixing samples of tunes and generating new melodies through mashups while also making his own music."

"Blogging is therefore to writing what extreme sports are to athletics: more free-form, more accident-prone, less formal, more alive."

Blogging is also like cloning, baggy jeans, AIDS awareness, startups, ecstasy, Don't Ask Don't Tell, McMansions, and Kosovo.

(Blogging is so 90s.)

"If you compare the meandering, questioning, unresolved dialogues of Plato with the definitive, logical treatises of Aristotle, you see the difference between a skeptic’s spirit translated into writing and a spirit that seeks to bring some finality to the argument."

If there's anything bloggers love more than humbly accepting the transient, imperfect nature of their form, it's comparing themselves to Plato. "Why I blog is because it reminds me of being the founding father of Western thought."

That's why I blog, too.

Catch you on the slopes, wiggaz

The Secret Lives of Bees' Vaginas

Novels. What are they?

A: Novels are powerful stories about poor black women, told from the perspective of beautiful white women. And as any white woman will tell you: they. are. good. Real good. But as any literature critic will tell you, they aren't just good because they're about good things like Reconstruction, they're good because they have a secret double meaning. The secret meanings are "forgive your rapist/your daughter's rapist" and "just be yourself."

The best novel is The Secret Life of Bees. I love everything about it: from the commercials, to Dakota Fanning, to wondering who gets raped.

I also love what a perfect opportunity it is to start this dialogue: why do rich white women love this brand of emotional woman-pain so much? These books are like Saw for moms. They're mom porn. Does it take the shape of SLoB because women are super in touch with their emotions and bodies, as women? Or is it because they hate themselves? Or is it because they're bored? Or is it because they hate themselves?

Book Review
by: Just Mom!
I just read a great new book. Only 1 slave got raped, but I still learned about how important it is to form relationships with other women, and to be myself.

Thanks slaves!

Election Update

Those of you looking for an update on the presidential election came to the right "place." First up, VP nominee Joe Biden made my annual list of the all-time best love stories:

All-Time Best Love Stories 2008

1) Holocaust apples
2) Joe Biden and 1st wife
3) Joe Biden and crying
4) Me and Joe Biden
5) Liz and Skinny Water

Secondly, I've decided to endorse Barack Obama. The guy is really good. I saw his commercials, and I'm all in. He's the one. We can do this, you guys. We can do this. And we really should.
For information, this music video:

Daily DDM

I thought of a good Do Dump or Marry yesterday:

Civil War enthusiast
Holocaust enthusiast
American Revolution enthusiast

OR it could be this:

Civil War enthusiast
Holocaust enthusiast
Zine publisher

OR this:

Holocaust enthusiast
Zine publisher
Kelsey Grammer



What did you guys do yesterday?