Are we really supposed to think, “Even though Matt Dillon is a racist sexual assaulter, he has been redeemed because he is nice to his sick dad and good at rescuing people from cars”? Because that’s what it seems like you’re asking us to think. Why does the Persian guy get so angry at the Hispanic guy? Calm down. How do people in this movie even know so many different racial stereotypes? It’s like they all Wikipedia’d “racial stereotypes” and made flashcards to prepare for the car accident they will inevitably be getting in tomorrow with someone of a different race. Why is Sandra Bullock such a crazy b? Why are we supposed to care about her?
WHY?
In the world in which the person who made Crash lives, everyone is:
1. Awful
2. Offended by ridiculous things, and jumping to the conclusion that people are being racist all the time.
3. Being racist all the time
4. Acting free from the dictates of reason, temperament, or any of the things we usually think of as “causes”
5. Shooting people all the time (“I just encountered a hardship. Time to shoot someone.”)
6. A terrible driver. The 9 or 10 characters get in like 6 car accidents in the course of one day. Seriously, guys, eyes on the road.
Also, in this world, there is no such thing as humor or the ordinary, just extremes of violence and sentimentalism. (Screenwriter 1: “We should do a close-up on the daughter yelling ‘Daddy’s home!’ right as the dad is about to get shot.” Sreenwriter 2: “That gives it more pathos.” The script doctor for this movie was actually Christopher Walken going “More pathos!” after every scene.)
Some of you may be objecting, “But Liz, it’s not supposed to be realistic. There are all those nods to magical realism, like when the little girl survives the gunshot (before we find out, seamless reveal!, they were blanks) or when the cops implausibly let Terrence Howard go or when the woman escapes the exploding car, which are meant to signal the film's true genre.” Maybe. Maybe. But first of all, you can’t be like “it’s magical realism, so it doesn’t matter that none of the characters have coherent motivations.” Second of all, magical realism is gay. Third of all, if you’re not working in the realist mode, don’t present yourself as a social problem film. It’s disingenuous. Red pill or blue, Crash: do you want to be The Wire, and systemically trace problems through chains of cause and effect, or do you want to get high and cry about the evil inherent to the human condition and the whims of Lady Chance? You can't have it both ways. You can't expose something as "gritty" and "real," while at the same time allegorizing that thing in grotesque exaggerations.
Or at least you can't, Crash, because you suck. Some people can. To illuminate, and in the spirit of A Unicorn's Unicorn's "gayness scatter plot", I have constructed this Realness Scatter Plot (click for large view):
Additions and amendments welcome.
Finally, I leave you with a Would You Rather: Would you rather watch Crash every week for the rest of your life, or listen to "Crash" by Dave Matthews every time you have sex for the rest of your life?
WHY?
In the world in which the person who made Crash lives, everyone is:
1. Awful
2. Offended by ridiculous things, and jumping to the conclusion that people are being racist all the time.
3. Being racist all the time
4. Acting free from the dictates of reason, temperament, or any of the things we usually think of as “causes”
5. Shooting people all the time (“I just encountered a hardship. Time to shoot someone.”)
6. A terrible driver. The 9 or 10 characters get in like 6 car accidents in the course of one day. Seriously, guys, eyes on the road.
Also, in this world, there is no such thing as humor or the ordinary, just extremes of violence and sentimentalism. (Screenwriter 1: “We should do a close-up on the daughter yelling ‘Daddy’s home!’ right as the dad is about to get shot.” Sreenwriter 2: “That gives it more pathos.” The script doctor for this movie was actually Christopher Walken going “More pathos!” after every scene.)
"Not quite enough pathos."
Some of you may be objecting, “But Liz, it’s not supposed to be realistic. There are all those nods to magical realism, like when the little girl survives the gunshot (before we find out, seamless reveal!, they were blanks) or when the cops implausibly let Terrence Howard go or when the woman escapes the exploding car, which are meant to signal the film's true genre.” Maybe. Maybe. But first of all, you can’t be like “it’s magical realism, so it doesn’t matter that none of the characters have coherent motivations.” Second of all, magical realism is gay. Third of all, if you’re not working in the realist mode, don’t present yourself as a social problem film. It’s disingenuous. Red pill or blue, Crash: do you want to be The Wire, and systemically trace problems through chains of cause and effect, or do you want to get high and cry about the evil inherent to the human condition and the whims of Lady Chance? You can't have it both ways. You can't expose something as "gritty" and "real," while at the same time allegorizing that thing in grotesque exaggerations.
Or at least you can't, Crash, because you suck. Some people can. To illuminate, and in the spirit of A Unicorn's Unicorn's "gayness scatter plot", I have constructed this Realness Scatter Plot (click for large view):
Additions and amendments welcome.
Finally, I leave you with a Would You Rather: Would you rather watch Crash every week for the rest of your life, or listen to "Crash" by Dave Matthews every time you have sex for the rest of your life?
5 comments:
http://andrewjay.tumblr.com/post/86169213/the-washington-posts-review-of-the-new-movie
Where is jumping off the waterfall in The Fugitive?? I need it to be measured, please.
Where is The Millennial Crier on your chart?
Crash sucks a lot, but I think it's an accurate portrait of what life is actually like in L.A. That's just what I heard.
OH, and magical realism is super lame.MAGIC OR REAL! CHOOSE ONE!
The Fugitive jumping off the waterfall goes right next to Invisible Man. The MC I thought would go somewhere around Judd Apatow, but according to Jesse it is more like Frankenstein.
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