Daily DDM

I thought of a good Do Dump or Marry yesterday:

Civil War enthusiast
Holocaust enthusiast
American Revolution enthusiast

OR it could be this:

Civil War enthusiast
Holocaust enthusiast
Zine publisher

OR this:

Holocaust enthusiast
Zine publisher
Kelsey Grammer



What did you guys do yesterday?

Black Day

"It's worse than 9/12"
- a co-worker, over 500 times today

The bailout amounted to putting “a coffin on top of Ronald Reagan’s coffin."
-Representative Darrell Issa in the New York Times

"chgk ksssssssss"
- possum outside my door this morning

don't say yr srry

Everyone who has sent me this video has included an apology:


but you know these people are block-quoting Hendrik Hertzberg's blog in their blogs and laughing just as hard.

Sorry all I'm writing about is presidential politics, but I've got a bad case of election fever. If it's anything like the time I was pretty sure I had AIDS, I know the best course of action is to look myself in the mirror -- really look at myself, really, for the first time -- and face up to the fact that I need to get tested, then remind myself that I'm from a good a family and just forget about it.

"European seeming" is NOT foreign policy experience

Here's what my brain does when I see TV from the Netherlands or something:
1) not right
2) this looks cheap
3) too many colors
4) porn?
5) not right
6) poor or rich?
7) computer-generated or realer than anything I've ever seen?
8) "flatness" has been redefined for me
9) America is the greatest of world countries

Here's me when I see Sarah Palin, especially new Sarah Palin who only wears future-tunics:
1) not right
2) this looks cheap
3) too many colors
4) porn?
5) not right
6) poor or rich?
7) computer-generated or realer than anything I've ever seen?
8) "flatness" has been redefined for me
9) America is the greatest of world countries

Notice how anything is the same?

Sarah Palin: Good for reminding me why Ugly Betty makes me feel uncomfortable, bad for America.




[S. Ziz writes about how current-style American conservative nationalism is actually future-oriented internationalism in his The Ticklish Subject. This is me saying that, for those of you who think I'm racist. I'm just being like him. For those of you who think I'm a fat fuck Matrix-style unnecessarily violent System of a Down bit-torrenting asshole nerd: touche.]

Best of the 'Net

Those of you who’ve been following Weezy these past few months (aka the entire internet) might have noticed that he has been learning guitar. And from the sound of it, his teacher is the lovechild of a threeway between Eric Clapton, Jimmy Page, and an angel. (It starts about 3 min 40 sec in):



Here is the conversation he had with his producers before that SNL taping:

Lil Wayne: I was thinking I would do a little shredding tonight at the end of “Lollipop.”
Producer: Oh…cool. But don’t you think that might detract from your vocals?
Lil Wayne: No, I’ll just concentrate really hard on my guitar playing. I learned how to play a D chord today, so I think I might play some notes from that. Probably at least two notes, maybe even three depending how it goes.
Producer: Great! [Aside to other producer] Just turn up his monitor so he thinks he’s loud.

I’m starting to suspect Lil Wayne might be the genius behind those genius shredding videos.

I bet he’s also secretly the "One Bank" guy.



I still think that guy is funnier than Russell Brand. Then again, I still think irony is funnier than satire.

So sue me!!



That reminds me, the MC is starting a Marmaduke caption contest. Winner gets a free subscription to Men's Vogue, as well as a lifetime of glory, obvs.

American Homelessness

Have you ever talked with a homeless person? You know, those people on the street, covered in soil and soot, "spare some change? spare some change?" A dime, you give. 2 pennies. Some lint and an old bottlecap. Or, you take care not to notice, averting your eyes. Invisible. "Invisible," you say. Aloud, probably.

America is "home" to over 1,000 homeless people. The best ones are the kind with beautiful, wise spirits/souls.

Long story short, here's what I just heard a lady one saying:

"I remember the second I was born in the hospital. They were saying "is you even alive?"' And I was trying to say, like, "Yes! Yes! I'm alive!"

Alive she was -- fully -- with her beady little eyes, like two tiny plastic beads; the kind of eyes that would lie to you about being pregnant to get money.

The best books I've ever seen