You're gonna love this

This is the post with guest star Marlee Matlin where she plays our deaf girlfriend.




We run all over the internet trying to book tickets to the concert before we realize how stupid we are, but it turns out she's cool with it and we learn that just because you're deaf doesn't mean you can't hear music (you can hear it with your whole body! Sometimes our deaf girlfriend (Marlee Matlin) thinks she can hear it better than people who can hear!) and we've never had more fun at a concert!


Don't forget to join us for our next post where we will have forgotten all about the time we had a deaf girlfriend and the impact that made on our lives.

Great News for Baseball Card Fans

Omigodyouguysdidyouhear? It’s time to throw out your internet, or put it in the old box in the attic where you store your video cassettes, laser discs, landlines, 3D printers, and bicycles.

From the people who brought you the internet comes [drumroll]… The Grid! [triumphant cymbal clash]

What, you ask, is The Grid?
It’s basically just the internet, only faster.
[feeble cymbal clash]

No, just playin’. I am seriously already in love with The Grid. It had me at “could also provide the kind of power needed to transmit holographic images.”

Remember when this was like, “Aaaah! So amazing":


Ten years from now, the Internet will seem like a giant Magic Eye.
Because we will all be totally cool with THIS:


Me in the Future: "I'm totally cool with you, hologram man. I'm just snacking on some future-cheetos as we sit here in separate corners of the earth multiverse, shooting the breeze, one hologram to another. Has anyone ever told you you look like Alec Baldwin?"

I bow down before you, mighty Grid.

My Hypertext Journey into the Ninth Circle of Hell

I just got an email advertising a screening of a film called "Polis is This," so I decided to look it up. It turns out it is about the poet Charles Olson. One of the blurbs in the ad, from the Boston Phoenix, called it "The best film on an American poet ever." Another blurb, from somebody named Iain Sinclair, called it this:

"Coherent, topographically astute, witnessed."

After reading that sentence, I wikipedia'd "Iain Sinclair," and learned that he is a British writer and filmmaker whose work is rooted "within the influences of psychogeography."

Interesting!!

So I clicked on "psychogeography," and as you might imagine, I learned a bunch of meaningful facts.

Then I went back to the Iain Sinclair page and clicked on a link to an article about him in the London Times. Here's how the article began:

IT IS A CITY THAT forgets. It is a city of the forgotten. You can still disappear without trace in London. It calls to those whose one desire is to vanish. Here you can, in the old phrase, “go under”. Here you can “break”. The city is built upon lost things.

Unfortunately, my hypertext journey was forced to end there, because it turned out I had barfed all over myself and was drowning in my own barf.

Trendspotting

Here is the opening sentence of an essay by Alfred Stieglitz , from 1897, called "The Hand Camera - Its Present Importance":

Photography as a fad is well-nigh on its last legs, thanks principally to the bicycle craze.

I feel like Alfred Stieglitz wrote that sentence expressly for the Millennial Crier.

That is all.

SexyBack

19th-century Man: I've invented a magical new medium called "photography"! What shall we use it for?
Julia Margaret Cameron: Babies acting sexy!
All of the 19th Century [heartily]: Agreed!



20th-century Man: I've invented a magical new medium called "sound cinema"! What shall we --
20th-century America: Babies acting sexy!

21st-century Scientist: I've invented a magical new medium called "Youtube"! What--
21st-century Global Village: Do you even have to ask?




My Dentist: Clearly I should hang up pictures of sexy cartoon bananas all over my waiting room. There's nothing people like better to look at when they are just waiting.



Cartoonists: Except for cartoon cats acting sexy. That image arose from our collective unconscious at some point and we've been reproducing it ever since, as if it's something that humans naturally and intuitively relate to.




People across Time: We are such weirdos.

Me [slowly backing out of room]: Agreed.

the battle rages on

I'm glad Carly Simon's son finally stepped up and addressed the question "Who's better: Snoop Dogg or Carly Simon's son?" head on. Check his sick new version of the radio edit of The Doggfather's latest single on his myspace:

http://www.myspace.com/bentaylorofficial

oh, here's Carly Simon's son:


Isn't it cool when white people respect black people things? JK. Snoop Dogg isn't really a black person's thing. Isn't it cool when white people make jokes based on the assumption that they are clearly lamer than black people, and in doing so reveal how desperately they want to believe that some better, realer, cooler, not boring and lame way of life really does exist, even though we all secretly know it totally doesn't? Anyway, keep the dream alive and give a listen to Carly Simon's son! I'd here like to point out a similar structure in my argument about why you should never actually fuck a butthole.

Hey! how about let's forget that.

This reminds me that I've been slipping on the MC's "Holler of the Week" feature. This week's top holler went a little something like this:
me: Ooo girl, you're looking like like a young Carly Simon tonight
girl: ....
The girl turned out to be a horse fetus.
::::a-ZINGAGE!!!!!::::::
(cause Carly Simon looks like a horse fetus.)

News can be fun too!

cOoL lInk AheAd:
STUDY FIND DOGS, ROBOTS CHEER ELDERLY

Here's a cute story that reminds us that we are all just blind idiots who spend our lives randomly bumping into other blind idiots, and that we are all locked in private dream worlds (IMPENETRABLE!) where we make up lie-stories called cool things like "meaning," "value," and "love."



capitalists: let's play on that with our new robots.
me: FUCK YOU, CAPITALISTS! (desperately clingin' to my lie-stories...4 lyfe!!!!!!!!!)