Contextual advertising: getting smarter and saucier by the day

I just looked up "synecdochically" in the Free Dictionary, and this ad immediately popped up beneath:

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Are You Gay? TheGayQuiz.com/gay

Lara Logan: A Blogabration

2:20 and beyond, and don't miss the last second.

The fact that hot women get whatever they want grants us clear access to their wants in pure form. Lara Logan apparently wants to work as hard as she can to make the world a better, more informed place. She's brash and true and has yet to miss a beat. She's been the clear winner of every controversy she's been a part of, and is a winner just for being on network news and involving herself in substantive controversies. In addition, she obviously smells great. If she's the future of news, who needs a future of anything else? Tonight, Lara Logan, I blogabrate my love for you.

Lara Logan fansite (FI-nally)

Want to nominate someone you know for a Millennial Crier Blogabration? It's easy! Send a 3-5 page typed, double-spaced essay about your nominee to:
Blogabrations! c/o
The Millennial Crier
123 Pine Tree Way
Between the Mountains and the Sea, America, 12345

Don't forget to use succulent prose!!!!!!!

Most Emailed

MC’s recent study of the past year of NYT “Most Emailed Articles” has yielded a surprising discovery: the NYT is read exclusively by 12-year-old girls. If you want your article to make it to the number one spot, it should incorporate one of the following:
1) adolescence/high school
2) a new scientific theory about why husbands are total goofs
3) cute animals
4) post-feminism, a cool new trend (ladies only!!!) that embraces everything from internalized self-loathing to really annoying prose styles
5) Jude Law’s perfect mix-tape

Google Fart Noise

I was hanging out with some working class friends of mine the other day and I discovered the best editing tool ever devised, which is adding (making a fart noise) after whatever you write. It's like a stage direction that indicates someone in your audience is making a fart noise. After you add the tool, read through your work and ask yourself "Does the fart noise seem completely out of place and look stupid compared to the text? Does it add to the fun of the text? Does it undercut and make the text look retarded?" If it's the formers: PUBLISH! SEND! BREATHE EASY! If it's the latter: get back to work. And as someone who's graduated college and read the beginnings of a lot of books, I gotta say, some people write their whole lives and pride themselves on a body of work that can all be felled by a simple (making a fart noise), which is so sad.
(making a fart noise)
I think Google or Microsoft Word would do the world good if a pre-made (making a fart noise) were added as a feature to the standard editing toolbar. It would have saved me quite a bit of embarrassment.
(making a fart noise)
See, doesn't the phrase "quite a bit" sound unnecessarily gay?
Now I know. Thanks, (making a fart noise).

Young Adult Novel Review

Just ran across this in the "Grade 9 and Up" section at Barnes & Noble


I'm glad someone's finally tackling it.

Try going to sleep...

... did you? MC short sheeted your bed. APRIL FOOLS!

Try peeing. Did you? MC put saran wrap over the seat and you got pee everywhere! APRIL FOOLS!

MC is pregnant.

No really. We don't know what to do, but we're weighing our options. It's been a really tough few days.

Tender Buttons

Is it just me, or does the Internet look a lot like pure love? In all it's epic beauty and frustrating, flat stupidity; it's particularity and universality. Let's not forget: the future is a creative venture. Let's not forget: the best part about creative ventures is that it's impossible for creators to avoid revealing their hearts.
Let's not forget.

Sweetness and light, bitches. It never dies.